Equanimity Update: Student behavior goals

Can you believe it's already April?! Here in Jackson, Mississippi, spring isn't in full swing yet. Still, it's nice to have more sunlight and warmer days. It's also exciting to bring this semester to a close. I'm eager to see my clients' hard work manifest as higher scores, better grades, improved performance, and greater confidence.

What is equanimity anyway?

Recall, our working definition of equanimity: a noun that expresses what it means to experience life events with mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper - especially in difficult situations. Prior to writing January's blog, I studied the work of Dr. Tara Brach which highlights the restorative health benefits of learning how to sit in uncomfortable situations.

In reflecting on the concept of equanimity as it applies to professional development, I've spent a lot of time reviewing The Year of Equanimity in Education blog post.

1. Have I purposefully stood with children or left them to their own devices?
2. Did I recognize root causes of misbehavior or punish students who lack skills I haven't taught?
3. Am I accepting learners as they are or judging unorthodox pleas for support?

As oppose to shining a light on the bright moments, it's more effect to unpack the cloudy ones.We want to finish this semester stronger than we began, so I challenge you to write about one situation when you missed the mark. Sit with this exercise long enough to uncover one example for each question.

Here's my truth moment.

A student experienced three melt-downs in an hour. He is a lower elementary client with severe behavior challenges; self-control often requires more effort than he can muster.

The task was to write interrogative (asking) sentences. Given his history, I anticipated the task would be a challenge. His initial resistance was expected, so I left him to his own devices. The expectation was that he'd struggle as he'd done before, write the sentences, and we'd move on. So much for expectations...

The first scaffold involved writing asking words on the whiteboard; these are words we use to begin asking sentences. Still, the student opted to start sentences using his own words even after reviewing our list of asking words a few times. Surprisingly, this support failed miserably as well.

Via questioning, I learned that the student wanted to write declarative (telling) sentences instead of asking sentences. I smiled, said I understood, and confirmed that we had to write the asking sentences to move on; this response escalated the situation to self-harm. I was flabbergasted and hurt for him.

My spirit of perseverance took over. We were going to finish writing these six (or seven) sentences. Today. So, I dug deeper.

As I'm brainstorming strategies to end the session on a high note, he's throwing writing utensils, crying loudly, and kicking on the floor. The noise and distractions made it difficult to think, so I picked him up and sat him on my knee. He fought and struggled. I wrapped my arms around him and rocked him. I'm not sure why; I'd never done this before with a client. But, it worked.

He quieted himself during this time and his breathing returned to normal. I read over a document, and we remained in this position until he asked to write the interrogative sentences. Go figure!

I was pleased that he eventually completed the task. It wasn't good enough to complete the task. Next time, we'd need to complete the task within a much shorter time period.

Here's how I plan to end stronger.

Days later, the potential of a similar challenge swelled under the surface as we learned to sort spelling words in ABC order. I promised to end the session if he didn't choose to stay on task. Immediately, he cried that he wanted to stay and finish his homework. (My heart melted.)

I decided to incorporated my trusty star system to keep the student mindful of his behavior. He'd earn a star for unproductive behaviors. Three stars signaled the session would end. This client also had the opportunity to get rid of stars by choosing one of a few productive behaviors I'd explained and modeled for him.

Deep down students want to learn; they also want to demonstrate mastery. During our most recent session, the same client struggled with self-control and didn't give up on the task at hand. I was so excited for him, and his huge smile showed proof he was proud too.

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You're invited to clap back in a guest post, share feedback privately, and invite me to facilitate your next educator or parent training. Academic and character development training opportunities available. Schedule today: je411.com/schedule.

The Year of Equanimity in Education?

The beginning of each new year prompts many of us to reflect on trials and triumphs of previous years. Maybe you passed a test that's been holding you back at work? Or, you overcame a challenging personal situation? During reflection, it's also common to choose a new way of being, a new way of interacting with the world around us. If you're into making New Year's Resolutions, consider adding equanimity to the list.

Before last month, I'm pretty sure I had never heard nor seen the word: equanimity. If it's not already part of your vocabulary, I'm excited to share what I've recently learned: equanimity is a noun that expresses what it means to experience life events with mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper - especially in difficult situations.

Though this isn't a new concept, I enjoy learning new words to better articulate goals, to keep my cup full. Educators and parents are charged with the responsibility of facilitating positive change in learners, so we have to wake up and show up with a mindset that is ready for everything all the time.

I'm talking about changing behaviors and changing performance. Practicing mindfulness happens to be an effective strategy for coping with the expectation that we feel to do it all; it's a strategy for adjusting when a wheel falls off the wagon and the neatly placed pieces of our lives become strewn all over the place.

Curiouser and Curiouser

It was the definition of mindfulness I mentioned initially that pulled me to 'equanimity'. I wanted to learn more. Then, the more I learned, the more I wanted to introduce this concept to educators and parents.

During my Character and Content training, I talk about an instructional strategy we call incidental feedback. In short, incidental feedback may be described as our unprepared responses to students. Giving this idea a fancy name makes it easy to discuss, but educators and parents give incidental feedback to children. The language we choose when responding to them influences character development which influences learning outcomes. So, the gears in my brain began to turn...

Tara Brach defines equanimity as a heart that's ready for anything. (I love it!) Dr. Brach is a  psychologist who's approach to living a more positive life combines Western science with Eastern principles. She gave a talk that's available on YouTube (video below) that takes listeners deep into what it means to embody equanimity. She also highlights the restorative health benefits associated with building affect tolerance, learning how to sit in uncomfortable situations, giving ourselves space to have an open focus - as oppose a narrow focus.

When you think about an open focus, consider how much more effective people could be as educators, as parents, if we created space to brainstorm the best solutions even under pressure. How could we use this super power to improve our relationships with young people, with colleagues and family? How has unawareness, lack of mindfulness influenced student performance?

When we lack mindfulness, when we aren't intentional about abandoning the visceral responses and underlying thought processes that prompt us to react rashly toward others... students suffer.

It doesn't have to be this way. Dr. Brach gives us three elements of mindfulness: purpose, recognition, and acceptance. Adopting these elements requires rewiring of the brain; we're learning a new skill. As with any significant positive change in our lives, it's imperative to embrace the process. Think journey, not destination. We can move through the three elements via what Brach calls Duck Meditation; play the video to hear her simple yet powerful explanation of the origin of the name of this exercise.

P.R.A. or Pretend

There are times when I find myself facing resistance from a client. It's mind-boggling that people will invest in a service, seek advice from a professional with a proven track record... and not follow through. I'm equally puzzled that the value of free K-12 education seems undervalued (or inaccessible depending on the student). There's a disconnect.

Effective teaching and tutoring involve leveraging character development to affect cognitive development, and dealing with unproductive emotions is an unavoidable responsibility of educators and parents alike. Students' unproductive emotions have the potential to incite the same in us. When chaos spins out of control in the classroom or at home, it's contagious. If we aren't intentional, we may find ourselves sucked up in the tornado.

As we seek strategies to deescalate misbehavior or cope with uncomfortable circumstances, there's an important choice to make: P.R.A. or pretend.

1. Will we purposefully stand with children, seek help to get them through difficult circumstances... or will we leave children to their own devices, pass the buck for someone else to initiate intervention? 
2. Will we recognize the misbehavior or root cause of an issue... or will we blame and punish students for not having learned skills we haven't taught?
3. Will we accept learners as they are, where they are while supporting their growth... or will we judge and dismiss unorthodox pleas for love and support?

These are the questions I've reflected on since discovering Dr. Brach's work, and I hope you will too. When embracing equanimity, we position ourselves to become better leaders in our communities, classrooms, and homes.

You're invited to clap back in a guest post, share feedback privately, and come back to read about my equanimity journey.

Happy New Year!

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I'd love to facilitate your next educator or parent training.
Schedule today: je411.com/grit. 

Harvard Bound: One Student's Passion

During a private tutoring session, one of my middle schoolers made a public service announcement: he's going to Harvard! This announcement was actually posed as a question initially. We were developing an approach for a math project when he asked if I thought he could get into Harvard. Usually, off-topic questions are tabled until the end of sessions since our time together is limited. One pitfall of being a business owner is the temptation to focus on the business and not on the people, to value outcomes over individuals. This time, the decision was easy.

It was how the student posed the question that prompted me to shift gears from tutoring to coaching. He was apprehensive, hesitant... as if attending Harvard was this far fetched notion for a young black man from Mississippi. I can't say the student's mindset was surprising. There are so few opportunities for young people to learn about academic pioneers in the black community. The fruits of HBCU's (historically black colleges and universities), prominent civil rights activists, and sports icons are more widely acknowledged than Ivy League Black History and today's Ivy League Black Reality.

I aim for two outcomes for each client - preK, K-12, adult populations, parents, and educators. I aim to help clients increase confidence and improve performance. My instinct, after hearing the way this student questioned the possibilities for his life, was to seize the opportunity to affirm his ability to not only attend, to graduate from Harvard University. In that moment, I decided that nurturing confidence in his ability to make this dream a reality weighed significantly more than making the grade in math.

What's more, choosing the person over the outcome continues to pay dividends to this day. The student earned an A on the math project by following the plan that we developed together when he returned to school. More recently, he scored 110 as a science test grade on a chemistry unit project. There's no doubt his confidence is manifesting as out-of-the-box ideas and above-average execution of course requirements.

We don't want his growth to stop here. During the holiday break, we're going to spend time researching the life stories of Black Harvard and Ivy League graduates from Mississippi and around the world. Between the lines of his innocent question lies an opening to making reading and research both relevant and meaningful.

During my Character and Content training for educators, we emphasize the value of the words we choose. We discuss the importance of language, how the language of our self talk becomes our actions, how our questioning techniques influence student self talk. You're invited to schedule an in-person or virtual training; options for educators and parents available. 

Cultivating Grit: An approach to increasing confidence is a tool for exploring this concept as well. Learn more by visiting the website: je411.com/grit.

Cultivating Grit Testimonial: A Parent's Perspective

I am an active parent like most of us but especially when it comes to my kids’ education. From inside the home and classroom to extracurricular and community activities, I am all over it! So, I quickly jumped at the opportunity to educate myself on ways that I could be beneficial in their learning process.

My Middle Schooler and Kindergartner

Both Jeniya and Chase are generally happy, energetic, outgoing and charming individuals. They establish and maintain healthy relationships with other kids and adult figures relatively easy. 

• Jeniya, being in her preteen phase, places a lot of emphasis on friendships and fitting in. She is a “people-pleaser” who wears her feelings on her sleeves. I find that she can be aloof at times… the happy-go-lucky type. Academically, Jeniya tends to be less enthusiastic. She loves to go to school but mainly for the social aspects. She is extremely creative and focuses on art, dance, acting and the like. 

• Chase can be a quiet storm. He is laid back and easy to please - usually calm and goes with the flow. He is initially shy and reserved when meeting new people but “warms” up pretty quickly. Academically, he is keen and eager to learn, constantly spouting off and sharing everything he was taught in school. He also often takes the initiative at home to read books, count, review shapes and colors, etc. without being prompted. Overall, each can be described as adventurous, determined, strong-willed, respectful, persistent, thoughtful and adaptable in their own right.

Cultivating Grit Testimonial

I was absolutely blown away while reading Cultivating Grit written by Jillian Smart. Her methods and approach are resourceful for students of all ages and grade levels, which is an added bonus for parents with single or multiple children at different phases of their academic journey as well as for educators whose primary focus is a particular grade level or subject area. This guide can be revisited and reapplied time and time again. 

Further, the overall approach conveyed in the book is adaptable and flexible; and, the strategies suggest steps that permit me to efficiently customize a plan for my kids' success in school. Also, it is helping me strengthen their minds in a way that promotes overall mental well-being when life throws us curve balls. The reflection activities are extremely helpful in applying the concepts. From learning how to say motivational things and exploring character strengths linked to living a positive lifestyle. I received thorough “training” and practice that is shaping my mindset as a parent, thereby allowing me to translate and refine the same skill set in my children.

Initially, I was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and sorrow when I started reading Cultivating Grit. I could see how my current approach to parenting and subsequent actions were self-sabotaging and inefficient at times. The book opened my eyes to the role that I play as caregiver and role model in my children’s lives. Jillian Smart gives a structured and disciplined yet encouraging approach for us parents and our students. 

Each stakeholder has to be accountable for our roles in the process in order to see favorable results. As I progressed through the book, I began to feel a greater sense of empowerment and relief. I noticed my very own level of confidence and determination increase with each section and reflection that I completed. I no longer feel insecure or self-defeated; I have started to use the tools that I learned from the book and execute a plan that suits our lifestyle and personalities. This is why I feel compelled to share my experience with other parents.

Benefits for Cultivating Grit Readers

The layout and organization of Cultivating Grit is impeccable. This book is a very quick and easy read with its workbook-style format and clear and concise concepts. I read the entire text including engaging in all reflections (except the Grit Fish activity) in about two hours. However, if you are short on time, the various sections and reflections allow parents to stop or take breaks as needed. After which, you can simply and seamlessly resume the lessons where you left off. 

I would recommend this book to any parent that wants to delve deeper into the psyche of your child in order to assess and understand how they are motivated academically. Whether you have noticed your child struggling academically or if you want to take a proactive approach before issues arise, you can benefit from reading the text and engaging in the exercises within Cultivating Grit. The ideal reader should also be willing and open to receiving the strategies offered in addition to actively and consistently implementing them. This requires us to maintain a healthy level of self-confidence and self-awareness as well as strive for excellence in our lives in the same manner that one would want the student to perform.

One of my favorite aspects of the book are the motivational quotes. I found that they really correlated with the concepts and set the tone for each section and reflection exercise. The quote “I’m going to do it. That’s it. Period.” resonated with me the most. As detailed in the book, I agree that two of the greatest obstacles to increasing confidence and cultivating grit is training your mind and changing your perspective to focus on positive and practical acts that aid in attaining your goals and ambitions. I’ve learned that I have to create objectives and commit to them whether it seems like a slam dunk, whether you can foresee challenges, or whether I’m in the dark forging new pathways.  I started preparing by being determined, all the while thinking and truly believing, “I’m going to do it. That’s it. Period.”

Jillian Smart, M.Ed. has outlined an approach to increasing confidence that surely delivers on its promise! Instead of describing the theory of encouraging, supporting, motivating and instilling confidence, Cultivating Grit is a comprehensive guide for not only understanding these vital notions but it also provides a proven framework to create and implement a successful action plan for my kids based on their individual needs. This was time and effort well spent for me and you won’t be disappointed either.

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Sharee J. Smith is a dedicated working mom of two children. 

Jeniya is a sixth grader and Chase is a kindergartner.

                     

Unpack Confidence-building Strategies

I've been on hiatus, and it's great to be back in the blogosphere! Taking time away from blogging and dialing down other nonsocial business activities has allowed me to connect with people in unprecedented ways. Over the past year, I've dedicated more time than ever to building relationships. 

I launched a nonprofit, gave speeches, submitted my first federal program grant, scored grant and scholarship applications for a national competition, served as a coach, consulted with school administrators and counselors, developed an ACT prep program, and so much more. It's truly been a whirlwind of failures and successes since my last post.

In true edupreneur style, I record life lessons. This habit is beneficial as a contributor to the National Tutoring Association's Tutor Strategies of the Week blog. This partnership is phenomenal. The practice of summarizing teachable moments into compact, confidence-building strategies has revealed similarities among daily challenges that educators, parents, learners, and tutors overcome. 

Facing failure, remaining hopeful, and thinking critically are common barriers to success that leave us wondering should we go over it, around it, or through it?

Facing Failure

Learners pay attention to how we make mistakes. They pay attention to how we fail.

• Do we admit our failures or try to cover them up?

• Do we make our thoughts explicit?

• Are we modeling the right ways to recover from mistakes, to fail forward?

​When we value mistakes and model healthy responses to failure, we nurture the same in those around us. One way I model a healthy response to failure for clients involves marking out wrong answers rather than erasing them. 

Erasing a mistake makes it easier to forget, which is often the goal. But, this approach can be counterproductive. Clients are discouraged from erasing mistakes on the whiteboard and on notebook paper. The reason: seeing the mistake encourages us to make different mistakes until we succeed.

Remaining Hopeful

Shifting to a hopeful mindset (or growth mindset) following failure is challenging. This process requires grit, a concept I enjoy exploring with clients. So often we're sure the world is coming to an end due to a mistake, only to forget the details months later. 

We promote a growth mindset by encouraging learners to focus on what they can do. Help learners transition...

• from "I don't know" to "Let's try this"; 

• from "I can't" to "I can"; 

• from "I'm not good at _____" to "I can learn _____ with effort".

Model this. Make it a habit. Becoming gritty about adopting a growth mindset makes it easier to move from failure to failure without losing momentum. Explore more grit and growth mindset affirmations by creating your very own grit fish independently or as a group. The craft activity requires minimal prep time and is fun for all ages.

Thinking Critically

Asking people to do something they don't know how to do is one of the quickest ways to earn an introduction to a their 'not-so-fun' alter egos. Without the proper resources, having the desire to complete a task may not be enough to get the job done. What are we to do when we don't know what we don't know? 

To help clients clear their paths during the learning process, we use a strategy called "wait time" (or "thinking time"). The goal is to match the pace of  learners. We want to wait while they think... but not too long. 

We want to check nonverbal cues like body language to discern appropriate times we should...

• listen, 

• wait quietly, or 

• instruct.

​Allowing learners enough time to get uncomfortable without inciting frustration helps identify gaps in understanding. 

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You're invited to explore more strategies by visiting the National Tutoring Association's website. 

Jackson Education Support (JE) offers fun and engaging learning experiences to learners of all ages. Specialty subjects include literacy, math, and science. We develop in-person and online solutions for educators, families, and learners globally. Read feedback and learn more by visiting je411.com.