Equanimity Update: Student behavior goals

Can you believe it's already April?! Here in Jackson, Mississippi, spring isn't in full swing yet. Still, it's nice to have more sunlight and warmer days. It's also exciting to bring this semester to a close. I'm eager to see my clients' hard work manifest as higher scores, better grades, improved performance, and greater confidence.

What is equanimity anyway?

Recall, our working definition of equanimity: a noun that expresses what it means to experience life events with mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper - especially in difficult situations. Prior to writing January's blog, I studied the work of Dr. Tara Brach which highlights the restorative health benefits of learning how to sit in uncomfortable situations.

In reflecting on the concept of equanimity as it applies to professional development, I've spent a lot of time reviewing The Year of Equanimity in Education blog post.

1. Have I purposefully stood with children or left them to their own devices?
2. Did I recognize root causes of misbehavior or punish students who lack skills I haven't taught?
3. Am I accepting learners as they are or judging unorthodox pleas for support?

As oppose to shining a light on the bright moments, it's more effect to unpack the cloudy ones.We want to finish this semester stronger than we began, so I challenge you to write about one situation when you missed the mark. Sit with this exercise long enough to uncover one example for each question.

Here's my truth moment.

A student experienced three melt-downs in an hour. He is a lower elementary client with severe behavior challenges; self-control often requires more effort than he can muster.

The task was to write interrogative (asking) sentences. Given his history, I anticipated the task would be a challenge. His initial resistance was expected, so I left him to his own devices. The expectation was that he'd struggle as he'd done before, write the sentences, and we'd move on. So much for expectations...

The first scaffold involved writing asking words on the whiteboard; these are words we use to begin asking sentences. Still, the student opted to start sentences using his own words even after reviewing our list of asking words a few times. Surprisingly, this support failed miserably as well.

Via questioning, I learned that the student wanted to write declarative (telling) sentences instead of asking sentences. I smiled, said I understood, and confirmed that we had to write the asking sentences to move on; this response escalated the situation to self-harm. I was flabbergasted and hurt for him.

My spirit of perseverance took over. We were going to finish writing these six (or seven) sentences. Today. So, I dug deeper.

As I'm brainstorming strategies to end the session on a high note, he's throwing writing utensils, crying loudly, and kicking on the floor. The noise and distractions made it difficult to think, so I picked him up and sat him on my knee. He fought and struggled. I wrapped my arms around him and rocked him. I'm not sure why; I'd never done this before with a client. But, it worked.

He quieted himself during this time and his breathing returned to normal. I read over a document, and we remained in this position until he asked to write the interrogative sentences. Go figure!

I was pleased that he eventually completed the task. It wasn't good enough to complete the task. Next time, we'd need to complete the task within a much shorter time period.

Here's how I plan to end stronger.

Days later, the potential of a similar challenge swelled under the surface as we learned to sort spelling words in ABC order. I promised to end the session if he didn't choose to stay on task. Immediately, he cried that he wanted to stay and finish his homework. (My heart melted.)

I decided to incorporated my trusty star system to keep the student mindful of his behavior. He'd earn a star for unproductive behaviors. Three stars signaled the session would end. This client also had the opportunity to get rid of stars by choosing one of a few productive behaviors I'd explained and modeled for him.

Deep down students want to learn; they also want to demonstrate mastery. During our most recent session, the same client struggled with self-control and didn't give up on the task at hand. I was so excited for him, and his huge smile showed proof he was proud too.

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You're invited to clap back in a guest post, share feedback privately, and invite me to facilitate your next educator or parent training. Academic and character development training opportunities available. Schedule today: je411.com/schedule.

The Year of Equanimity in Education?

The beginning of each new year prompts many of us to reflect on trials and triumphs of previous years. Maybe you passed a test that's been holding you back at work? Or, you overcame a challenging personal situation? During reflection, it's also common to choose a new way of being, a new way of interacting with the world around us. If you're into making New Year's Resolutions, consider adding equanimity to the list.

Before last month, I'm pretty sure I had never heard nor seen the word: equanimity. If it's not already part of your vocabulary, I'm excited to share what I've recently learned: equanimity is a noun that expresses what it means to experience life events with mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper - especially in difficult situations.

Though this isn't a new concept, I enjoy learning new words to better articulate goals, to keep my cup full. Educators and parents are charged with the responsibility of facilitating positive change in learners, so we have to wake up and show up with a mindset that is ready for everything all the time.

I'm talking about changing behaviors and changing performance. Practicing mindfulness happens to be an effective strategy for coping with the expectation that we feel to do it all; it's a strategy for adjusting when a wheel falls off the wagon and the neatly placed pieces of our lives become strewn all over the place.

Curiouser and Curiouser

It was the definition of mindfulness I mentioned initially that pulled me to 'equanimity'. I wanted to learn more. Then, the more I learned, the more I wanted to introduce this concept to educators and parents.

During my Character and Content training, I talk about an instructional strategy we call incidental feedback. In short, incidental feedback may be described as our unprepared responses to students. Giving this idea a fancy name makes it easy to discuss, but educators and parents give incidental feedback to children. The language we choose when responding to them influences character development which influences learning outcomes. So, the gears in my brain began to turn...

Tara Brach defines equanimity as a heart that's ready for anything. (I love it!) Dr. Brach is a  psychologist who's approach to living a more positive life combines Western science with Eastern principles. She gave a talk that's available on YouTube (video below) that takes listeners deep into what it means to embody equanimity. She also highlights the restorative health benefits associated with building affect tolerance, learning how to sit in uncomfortable situations, giving ourselves space to have an open focus - as oppose a narrow focus.

When you think about an open focus, consider how much more effective people could be as educators, as parents, if we created space to brainstorm the best solutions even under pressure. How could we use this super power to improve our relationships with young people, with colleagues and family? How has unawareness, lack of mindfulness influenced student performance?

When we lack mindfulness, when we aren't intentional about abandoning the visceral responses and underlying thought processes that prompt us to react rashly toward others... students suffer.

It doesn't have to be this way. Dr. Brach gives us three elements of mindfulness: purpose, recognition, and acceptance. Adopting these elements requires rewiring of the brain; we're learning a new skill. As with any significant positive change in our lives, it's imperative to embrace the process. Think journey, not destination. We can move through the three elements via what Brach calls Duck Meditation; play the video to hear her simple yet powerful explanation of the origin of the name of this exercise.

P.R.A. or Pretend

There are times when I find myself facing resistance from a client. It's mind-boggling that people will invest in a service, seek advice from a professional with a proven track record... and not follow through. I'm equally puzzled that the value of free K-12 education seems undervalued (or inaccessible depending on the student). There's a disconnect.

Effective teaching and tutoring involve leveraging character development to affect cognitive development, and dealing with unproductive emotions is an unavoidable responsibility of educators and parents alike. Students' unproductive emotions have the potential to incite the same in us. When chaos spins out of control in the classroom or at home, it's contagious. If we aren't intentional, we may find ourselves sucked up in the tornado.

As we seek strategies to deescalate misbehavior or cope with uncomfortable circumstances, there's an important choice to make: P.R.A. or pretend.

1. Will we purposefully stand with children, seek help to get them through difficult circumstances... or will we leave children to their own devices, pass the buck for someone else to initiate intervention? 
2. Will we recognize the misbehavior or root cause of an issue... or will we blame and punish students for not having learned skills we haven't taught?
3. Will we accept learners as they are, where they are while supporting their growth... or will we judge and dismiss unorthodox pleas for love and support?

These are the questions I've reflected on since discovering Dr. Brach's work, and I hope you will too. When embracing equanimity, we position ourselves to become better leaders in our communities, classrooms, and homes.

You're invited to clap back in a guest post, share feedback privately, and come back to read about my equanimity journey.

Happy New Year!

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I'd love to facilitate your next educator or parent training.
Schedule today: je411.com/grit. 

The Value in Cultivating Grit

In January, I returned from hiatus with a blog post on confidence-building strategies. The take-home points are that we (1) value mistakes and model healthy responses to failure, (2) encourage learners to focus on what they can do, and (3) maximize critically thinking opportunities.

Since we're in the thick of it, I'd be remiss if I did not also recap student strategies for less stressful testing. Testing season is an intense time for educators, learners, and parents. There're a number of ways to decrease stress and enter testing season with greater confidence. One of our guest bloggers shares four strategies...

1. Review information daily
2. Clarify gaps in learning
3. Change daily habits
4. Build endurance

There's a connection.

Confidence-building strategies and strategies for less stressful testing are linked by grit. When we cultivate grit, we learn (and teach others) to persevere over long periods of time. For instance, one confidence-building strategy is that we model healthy responses to failure. It's not likely that modeling a healthy response once is going to cut it. Dealing with failure in healthy ways requires a lot of personal growth initially.

Learner perceptions about failure can be deep-rooted. The more deeply rooted our behaviors and thoughts, the more exposure to new behaviors and thoughts we require before change happens. This is not only true of our response to failure; it's true of our response to challenge. Habits are hard to break if we aren't gritty about making the change. 

Students with low confidence and poor test performance behave and think in ways that are not self serving. We don't want to overlook environmental factors that obliterate a child's confidence in himself or leaves her ill-prepared to compete academically. We also don't want to nurture narcissism. For a moment, we want to highlight something that learners can do for themselves: cultivate grit.

Cultivating Grit: An approach to increasing confidence explores character development: grit, growth mindset, and motivation. I draw on personal and professional experiences as well as current research to share do-it-yourself confidence-building strategies with educators and parents. Cultivating Grit takes readers and listeners on a journey through an eight-part discussion with five reflection activities to be completed individually or as a group. The premise is that by helping learners increase confidence, performance improves in class and at home.

It's a journey.

Those who experience failure are erroneously viewed as lacking grit. Grit skeptics seem to think that persevering over time means that we never miss the mark, that we always get the "thing" we're passionate about... if we work hard enough. Though some focus on one goal, execute the plan, and live happily ever after, many more of us will have to work very hard at a number of our passions.

Sectors of society are afflicted with the "this is how we've always done it" approach to education and training, which is much too rigid for us to reap the benefits of all our talents. I encourage you to have a closer look at the opportunities we uncover by understanding and cultivating grit in our lives.

We've found that character development is the secret to student growth. Cultivating grit is an important piece of character education for educators and parents. Request your free download of Cultivating Grit today.